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  • I have many vices....

  • I have nothing to put in my Middle......

  • I heard Alec started production on Rust again....

  • I hired a Russian man to wander nonstop around my parties, refilling people's drinks....

  • I interviewed a waiter today....

  • I just completed a study on the effects of walking after consuming too much alcohol....

  • I just got back from Dubai where I......

  • I just heard that a new chocolate bar is coming out that tastes like fish....

  • I just invented instant water!...

  • I just watched a documentary on the history of the WD-40....

  • I just won the award for the nicest oyster opener!...

  • I keep misspelling things......

  • I knew a heavy a drinker who lost a lot of weight ....

  • I knew I was in a real pickle....

  • I knew there would be consequences for stealing a bottle of tea from the gas station if I got caught....

  • I know that alcohol won't cure my depression......

  • I learned today that Karl Marx and Friedrich Engels would only drink herbal Chamomile while working....

  • I learned why Italy lost the war......

  • I left my car at the pub and took the bus home....

  • I let my wife Florence take charge in our marriage....

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