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  • I feel like fake butter tastes better than real butter....

  • I feel like Hollandaise....

  • I fell asleep this afternoon....

  • I felt strangely empty after I dropped my......

  • I figured out how Morse likes his coffee......

  • I found a box of Viagra last night, the stupid things didn't work....

  • I freak out about coffee all the time......

  • I get called selfish when I pick Believe......

  • I give my cattle only the finest sparkling water....

  • I got a bit drunk at a family dinner today, and accidentally let slip I'd lied about achieving a doctorate in biology....

  • I got a new job at the Coca Cola plant, but when I showed up for my first day the place was completely empty, no people and absolutely nothing inside....

  • I got arrested while selling coffee cups....

  • I got arrested while selling coffee mugs....

  • I got booted from the coffee club because....

  • I got hit in the head by a can of soda....

  • I got hit in the head with a can of Coke today....

  • I got hit in the head with a can of soda....

  • I got into an accident with a truck carrying canned orange juice....

  • I got mugged by a guy with a very sharp knife....

  • I got my son a flask for Christmas....

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