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  • I asked my wife if the cup was......

  • I asked my wife to karaoke with me....

  • I asked the barista if she wouldn't mind being just a little kinky with my order....

  • I awoke from a dream where I got hit in the head with a wine bottle....

  • I believe you miss 100% of the shots......

  • I bought a 12 year old Whisky......

  • I bought a really expensive laxative from the pharmacy....

  • I bought some Dorito swimming trunks today!...

  • I bought some powdered water....

  • I bought this jug whilst on holiday in Barbados....

  • I can never remember whether it is called startER fluid or StartING fluid....

  • I can't seem to find my bag of kettle corn....

  • I can't stop drinking cat urine....

  • I confused the words "jacuzzi" and "Yakuza"....

  • I couldn't revive my laptop after i accidentally spilled water on it....

  • I decided I'm going to dress up as a hotdog with a beer mug for Halloween this year....

  • I developed a potion that turns anyone who drinks it into the opposite sex....

  • I didn't notice that a wasp was swimming in my apple drink....

  • I didn't realize Bruce Lee had a vegetarian brother....

  • I didn't think tequila could help my problems....

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