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  • I heard about a guy who's left half......

  • I heard some electrician was killed working on a job in a bakery....

  • I heard that a guy who works at pub killed Matt groaning....

  • I heard the Mafia controls the market on......

  • I heard there were a bunch of break-ins over at the car park....

  • I heard this sub imploded inside the debris......

  • I hit a deer with my new Tesla....

  • I joined a dating site for arsonists......

  • I jump out and scare people by shouting "Bacon Tree!...

  • I just finished reading "Life Inside The Gulag"....

  • I Just found out my wife is cheating....

  • I just had some vandals cover my car in jelly....

  • I just read about the triplet arsonists....

  • I just read that someone in New York gets stabbed every 52 seconds....

  • I just saw Oppenheimer in the theatre today....

  • I just tripped over my wife's bra....

  • I keep trying to get people to stop using inappropriate phrases....

  • I killed my wife by putting lead coins in her Christmas desert....

  • I knew a woman who set fire to all her outstanding bills....

  • I know a murderer in Kingston upon Hull......

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