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  • I caught accused a guy of stealing a torso from the morgue today....

  • I chased a man through an apartment block today....

  • I could never be a kleptomania victim...

  • I couldn't find the obituaries in the newspaper......

  • I decided to free my imaginary horse, but then he went crazy....

  • I didn't do too well in the Navy....

  • I don't know what the capital of Alaska is....

  • I don't know why pyrotechnics are in charge of fireworks every 4th of July....

  • I don't understand serial killers......

  • I don't understand, why Sauron forged "one ring to rule them all"....

  • I downloaded a game about a guy named......

  • I fell out of my tree stand while archery hunting and all of my arrows broke....

  • I figured out why the titanic submarine imploded....

  • I finally got my wish today when an armed robber lovingly embraced me during a bank heist....

  • I fisted a dude standing in queue....

  • I forgot how boomerangs work......

  • I forgot which direction I threw my boomerang....

  • I fought through black Friday crowds at the outdoor store and got some deep discounts on canoe paddles!...

  • I found the titanic sub!...

  • I got a dart board installed on my ceiling....

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