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  • I asked my brother to pass me a......

  • I asked my doctor "Do you have anything for excessive wind?...

  • I asked my Scottish grandfather if he had a favorite body part....

  • I asked my wife 'So, do you think the cup is half full or half empty?...

  • I asked the guy at the pet shop if he has any free bees....

  • I bought a telekinetic abacus for a birthday present....

  • I bought my daughter a handbag from Iraq....

  • I bought my daughter a handbag on my last trip to Iraq....

  • I broke my leg when I was boarding an airplane....

  • I cried when my daughter gave me my 50th birthday card....

  • I decided to forgive the guy who conned......

  • I do all my addition in my head,......

  • I don't tell Dad jokes......

  • I don't understand why people don't like rain clouds....

  • I donate 25 percent of my paycheck to......

  • I dropped my entire six pack of beer......

  • I dug up a few trophies and several awards at the beach this morning....

  • I for one....

  • I forgive the builders of older buildings......

  • I found a police officer on my bed....

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