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I told my kids to call me Poopenheimer......
I told my son I desperately needed two ribeyes from the meat section and he came back empty handed and nervous....
I told my son the other day that he smelled like green onion while sitting in his room listening to hip hop....
I told my student off for not completing the written task on Driving speed limits....
I told my wife that the kids refused to eat left-over taco's....
I told you to get dressed ....
I took a picture of my kids trying Vietnamese food for the first time....
I took a piss in the playing area of some child....
I took my daughter to the pediatrician after she wouldn't stop spinning around for five days....
I tried lending my dyslexic friend a hand, but he asked me to leave him alone....
I tried my pickup on a cute girl at the bar, she just rolled her eyes at me....
I tried to explain to my four-year-old...
I tried to pick up a pretty girl......
I tried to teach my disabled friend how......
I turned 33 years old today....
I used to date a girl that collected......
I used to go out with a girl......
I used to know a ton of good dad jokes....
I usually don't tell Dad jokes....
I want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford....
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