Today's featured daily humor:
3 women die and go to heaven (It's a long one folks...) So, 3 old women die together and go to heaven. At the pearly gates stands St. Peter who judges those who may pass and offers guidance. Looking on the three women Peter checks their lives and says, you may all pass into heaven. But beware, we have one rule here. Do not step on any ducks. No duck stepping, right? Got me? The three women are confused but nod in compliance. No stepping on ducks whilst in heaven. The problem is, heaven is full of these fucking ducks. They're all over the place! You have to dodge and step just to get anywhere without stepping on a duck. About a week into heaven the first woman gets annoyed having to dodge these fucking ducks all the time and just says fuck it; starts walking around without a care in heaven and steps on a duck. Pretty much immediately St. Peter shows up and handcuffs the woman to the ugliest stupid bastard man you've ever seen. A troll of a person. Ugly, stupid and annoying. She's pretty upset and Peter explains this one rule she broke means she's tied to this ugly dolt of a man for the rest of eternity. The other woman seeing this take note and realise they should be very careful not to step on any ducks. A decade in heaven time passed and whoops, the second woman trips up one day and steps on a duck. As a result St. Peter shows up and handcuffs her to get another ugly fuckling of a man. She's distraught and complains it was an accident but Peter doesn't take excuses. You stepped on a duck, you get tied to an awful man. Period. Fifty years pass and the third woman is still dodging ducks, doing well and getting on with afterlife when all of a sudden St. Peter shows up and handcuffs this amazingly handsome man to her. A stunning, godlike, sexy man. She's ecstatic with joy, and after Peter leaves turns to the handsome man and says "what did I do to deserve this?". He says "I don't know about you but I stepped on a duck"