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  • I only go after women who are locked-up in Mental Institutions....

  • I only sing well when I'm either very......

  • I ordered a vault and a speaker...

  • I ordered some bubble wrap with "Will you marry me?...

  • I overheard the walls of my home discussing their plans for Saturday night....

  • I owe a lot to the sidewalks....

  • I phoned my doctor and said, "I'd like to book an appointment for my Haphephobia....

  • I placed a small picture of America in a locket this 4th of July....

  • I play mushroom games with my kids....

  • I prefer to eat my pancakes raw......

  • I pronounce hyperbole as hyper-bowl......

  • I put a picture of myself in a pendant....

  • I put bad rainbows in a prism......

  • I put on my atheist shoes this morning....

  • I put the internet router into the barn....

  • I put together a new drum set......

  • I quit drinking a few days ago......

  • I quit my job at the bank today....

  • I quit my job at the helium factory today....

  • I read a psychology book called "Don't Strive To Provide Mass Appeal"....

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