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  • I tried to drain my swimming pool, but I got stuck in the drain....

  • I tried to sneak into a monster convention......

  • I try to laugh at my optometrist's jokes,......

  • I want to be ambidextrous so badly......

  • I was accosted by this rude Greek fellow....

  • I was asked what my opinion on cheese......

  • I was at the zoo and a South American animal spit at someone!...

  • I was dating a girl named Ruth but I broke up with her....

  • I was going to go on an expensive vacation with a classical pianist....

  • I was kidnapped by a group of mimes......

  • I was looking at a Hieronymus Bosch painting....

  • I was showing my friend a piece of......

  • I went rock climbing yesterday......

  • I went to a doctor, but all he did was suck blood from my neck....

  • I went to a zoo yesterday, but there weren't any animals, just a dog....

  • I wish I could stop thinking that Satan is hiding from me in a ditch somewhere....

  • I work in a machine shop and someone stole all of our aluminum billets last night....

  • I wouldn't buy anything with velcro....

  • I'd tell you a joke about paper......

  • I'd tell you a joke using only my forearms....

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