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I looked at my poop today and there......
I never have liked elevators......
I never understood how the little drummer boy's parents could just send him outside, alone, at night, so he could play his drum....
I once modeled for a sculptor who made......
I once tried my hand at designing a submarine, but no matter what I did, it just wouldn't submerge....
I picked up a U2 version of Monopoly at a yard sale....
I quit gambling......
I recently broke long-standing ties with my cannibal......
I recently won an award that is shaped like a feline's rear end....
I refuse to use compost......
I rented a bulldozer and leveled out all the land in my front yard....
I saw the cops arrest this insane guy the other day....
I think the chupacabra has the most ambition of any mythical beast....
I thought about going on an all-almond diet....
I threw an Asian down the stairs......
I told my brothers that my girlfriend didn't know what to buy to remove undesirable plants from our garden....
I took my family on a road trip......
I took some ayahuasca at Jiffy Lube...
I tried milking a cow but he ran......
I tried opening a jar of mustard when the cap suddenly came off and it went everywhere....
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