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  • My manager told me to sign up for......

  • My neighbor could not....

  • My neighbor donated all of his son's...

  • My neighbor gave me a new roof for free....

  • My obsession with 17th century European style lead me to spend my entire life's savings transforming my home and wardrobe into that exact period....

  • My patient ran out after I repaired the......

  • My son bought a suit made out of knives, swords, and razors....

  • My son is building a house shaped like a parabola....

  • My son tried to buy my love with a crisp 10-dollar bill....

  • My super-rich girlfriend keeps buying me apartments that I can't afford myself....

  • My tech-savvy friend thinks I'm rich, because when I asked about buying a good TV....

  • My Tinder date was so cheap....

  • My Uncle Elroy used to sell pants for 25 cents apiece....

  • My Visa was declined at the sweater store....

  • My wife asked me to buy her a cake mold....

  • My wife asked what I thought about the 83 million dollar verdict....

  • My wife bought a fancy designer dress that's adorned with push pins....

  • My wife bought an electric pencil sharpener....

  • My wife bought me camouflage underwear......

  • My wife bought me the Kama Sutra for......

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