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  • I fight for the marines......

  • I fight in the marines......

  • I finally admitted to my wife that I've been secretly collecting magazines since we first got married....

  • I fired my Italian shrink....

  • I fisted a dude standing in queue....

  • I forced myself to stop going to the......

  • I forgot my wife's birthday and she was mad at me....

  • I forgot two loaves of bread in the......

  • I fought through black Friday crowds at the outdoor store and got some deep discounts on canoe paddles!...

  • I found my wife's Tinder profile and I......

  • I get irrationally angry when the family uses up all the bread at breakfast time before I've had any....

  • I get there's signs and all, but pedestrians......

  • I got an email telling me how to read maps backwards....

  • I got attacked by a deaf person......

  • I got expelled from my mime class....

  • I got expelled from the buddhist monastery for......

  • I got fired from the bank today because this lady asked me to check her balance....

  • I got hurt by a pickaxe....

  • I got in an argument and shaved off my brother's eyebrows....

  • I got in trouble for thinking that gold diggers are sexy....

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