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  • I spent 5 hours in the ER after......

  • I started a new band, we are called......

  • I started watching a new TV drama with Idris Elba yesterday....

  • I stopped believing yesterday....

  • I survived falling from 12 story building....

  • I think all these titanic sub jokes are......

  • I thought I would look bad with longer hair....

  • I tried reading 'The Iliad' and 'The Odyssey'....

  • I tried to invent a type of paper that couldn't be torn, but I failed miserably....

  • I tried writing a book on plants,...

  • I tried writing a novel about the Big Bang....

  • I tried writing down all the things that made me depressed or apathetic, but I never did....

  • I try and rehearse all my jokes in the mirror....

  • I try to always say "mucho" when I'm......

  • I used to hate body hair......

  • I used to hate facial hair......

  • I used to have a problem with dropping my suitcase....

  • I used to know a ton of good dad jokes....

  • I used to really look up to my dad when I was younger....

  • I used to tell the truth all the time and now I just "spill the T"....

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