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  • I only liked the first two Harry Potter books....

  • I only seem to get sick on weekdays....

  • I ordered one of those "meal kits" where they send you the ingredients and you cook the meal....

  • I partook in a revolutionary surgery wherein tiny pieces of Frito Lay were placed in my brain....

  • I passed school many years ago, but I only found about "Cervix" today....

  • I personally believe that masturbation is wrong......

  • I poked my friend with a scale......

  • I politely asked the surgeon if he minded......

  • I promised my daughter that she could always ask me for anything and I would never say no....

  • I put all my spare cash into...

  • I put on my atheist shoes this morning....

  • I ran to my father and asked him if he could describe a solar eclipse....

  • I recently attended a magic show in Mexico....

  • I recently decided to stop talking to my......

  • I recently heard that disco was making a comeback....

  • I recently took my naval exams....

  • I refused to join the local LGBT club as the entrance fee was astronomical....

  • I rented a bulldozer and leveled out all the land in my front yard....

  • I requested a retrial on the grounds of......

  • I returned my pack of 6 golf clubs......

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