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  • My wife told me to keep the noise......

  • My wife told me to paint the alphabet on our driveway up to the letter M using the colors pink, yellow and baby blue....

  • My wife told me to stop being so immature....

  • My wife writes anything she needs done around the house on slices of green melon....

  • Never getting my home renovations done by Frito......

  • New guy on the job building a house....

  • Of course you pour the milk first and the cereal second....

  • One skill will open a lot of doors for you....

  • Our furniture goes back to Louis the 14th....

  • Paul Reuben's Favorite Dad Joke......

  • People who walk with their feet dragging on the floor should be grounded!...

  • Please read in a Scottish accent......

  • Proud dad......

  • Real estate agents....

  • Relationship is like a washing machine......

  • So excited to escape to my other property in Malaysia or Indonesia or Singapore or somewhere around there this fall!...

  • So i was working with my room lights off and only the table lamp on and my mom complained that its too dark....

  • Some people say this house is haunted, but I don't think it is....

  • Someone broke into my garage last night and stole my limbo stick....

  • Someone in my household (other than me) broke down a cardboard box when throwing it away....

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