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  • I always serve my guests dinner on a plate with my name written on it....

  • I always serve porridge with a handful of......

  • I always use the same pencil to write all my jokes, but my wife took it to write all her recipes....

  • I asked an elderly man why he was......

  • I ate a poisoned ball of chickpeas....

  • I boiled my funny bone....

  • I bought an infrared thermometer for my bbq......

  • I bought some evaporated milk for cooking....

  • I brought a spoon to my cooking class last night and I gotta tell ya....

  • I burnt my Hawaiian pizza....

  • I can finally enjoy Italian food after getting food poisoning at a restaurant....

  • I can't believe Gordon Ramsay overcooked his steak......

  • I can't seem to find my bag of kettle corn....

  • I cooked lunch for a friend and he proceeded to shove it up my butt....

  • I cut my finger chopping cheese....

  • I devoured an entire wheel of Swiss cheese today....

  • I don't always count the number of pasta I eat....

  • I don't like German cuisine....

  • I don't like people who work in the soup kitchen....

  • I don't like souvlaki......

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