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  • I don't mean to brag or anything, but....

  • I failed to qualify for work clearing up......

  • I failed to qualify for work removing gold......

  • I failed to qualify for work serving cocktails......

  • I got hired by wired......

  • I heard that a guy who works at pub killed Matt groaning....

  • I hired a Russian man to wander nonstop around my parties, refilling people's drinks....

  • I just flunked out of barber school......

  • I knew a guy who was fired from......

  • I met a milk-drinker who invests in bitcoin......

  • I passed the bar....

  • I recently got in trouble for bartering alcoholic beverages to quaint hotels....

  • I remember the exact moment I learned to do comedy impressions....

  • I tried my best pickup line on a girl at the bar, but she just rolled her eyes at me....

  • I tried my pickup on a cute girl at the bar, she just rolled her eyes at me....

  • I tried to setting up some playground stuff......

  • I wanted to tell a really funny joke about not-too-spicy salsa....

  • I was admitted to the bar today!...

  • I was asked to walk into a bar....

  • I was at a bar last night when I saw a sign in the bathroom that madre me shit my pants....

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