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  • I told my wife I had a crush......

  • I told my wife I now identify as......

  • I took a course in speed waiting....

  • I took a crap in my Honda the other day....

  • I took my car in for a service......

  • I took my car to the shop the other day and the mechanic stole both of my front calipers!...

  • I took some ayahuasca at Jiffy Lube...

  • I tried driving Ubers for awhile....

  • I used to be a fan of tractors, John Deere, Lamborghini, Caterpillar....

  • I used to be a safe driver......

  • I used to dislike waxing my car......

  • I used to work as a programmer for auto correct....

  • I want to die peacefully in my sleep,......

  • I wanted to chase down the thieves who took half of my car's wheels....

  • I wanted to learn to drive a stick......

  • I was driving a taxi......

  • I was driving and I had my first......

  • I was driving down 160 and some guy......

  • I was driving down the highway in my Durango and someone sideswiped me....

  • I was driving down the road the other day, and....

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